People

sometimes, people surprise me.

..and not always in the way that i would like...

but, i learned that sometimes, there is nothing you can do.
after a long haul, sometimes, you have to leave it up to the other person to make a difference...

which scares me.

i want things to be at a point where i can breathe normally again.
where the situation is stress free.
where i can feel comfortable with expressing how i feel again.

will it ever get there?

...we'll see.


A fault of mine: i worry. sometimes more than is healthy.

Another fault: i hold on to memories i have with people. just the good ones, which makes it hard to let change happen.

Last fault for this blog post: i don't like it when no matter what i do, i can't find peace of mind in anything.

Welp! im done with the depressing blog post. What about you?? haha

Moral of the story: stop worrying about what other people do or say, or think really. love yourself, and the whole world will start to fall in love with you. people change, that is what life is about. and if you see someone miss out on something great, just learn from it, and make sure you don't miss out on something as great as what they missed.

Those Summer...NIIIIIGGGHHTTTSSSS (sung in the annoying way at stake dances)

Title: Reference to the musical Grease.
When thought about, High School Musical is in fact a regurgitated version of this fabulous musical. (Try watching Zac Efron in that light. It will never be the same.)

I am referencing Grease because I had one of the BEST date nights I have had in a long time. Here is my attempt at explaining this date in writing. Here we go!

So, to preface the date: I went with Garrett Roos. We have only met in person 3 times before our date. I had only spoken with him very seldom, but I knew he was a great kid because I went on a few dates with his best friend, Coy Cox, before he left on his mission in February. So, after getting each other's numbers about 2 weeks ago, he asked me to go on a date with him. And I accepted.

Garrett showed up around 6:30, and I was not nervous at all. He came up to the door and the first thing he said to me was: "Wow! You look great! I love our outfit and your unique sense of style. You always look great every time I see you."
First off: what a great first thing to say on a date. I knew from then that it could only get better; and it did :]

We first went on a little drive while we decided where to eat. We talked about our favorite foods, and how he loves to experiment with cooking and whatnot. He asked if I had ever had Thai food. I did. Once. Made at someone's home for a date a while back. I remembered loving it, so I agreed to go to a place called Benja's. Turns out it is a fairly expensive Thai food restaurant that usually serves important business men that are focused on setting business deals while eating their Thai. We were the only young people in the entire restaurant. It made me feel important and special :) I couldn't believe how fancy and delicious the food was! Needless to say I have a new favorite type of food :)

So, after eating and talking for a couple hours, we drove out to Tuachan, the outdoor theater her in St. George, to see the musical Grease. (hence the title reference previously stated) We showed up a little early so we could get our seats. We ended up with great tickets because his mom is a sign language interpreter. That night they had a complete section for a huge group of deaf people, and we were in the middle of it! The interpreters that were doing the sign language for the play were amazing AND hilarious. I could definitely see how deaf people could still appreciate such a wonderful musical. During the course of the show, we laughed, talked a little, and just enjoyed each other's company. It was quite lovely :) After the show got over at 11 or so, I got to meet his brother and mother that were also at the play that night. His little brother has duchenne muscular dystrophy, which means at age 12 he lost the ability to walk and his now wheelchair-bound. He was very shy, and very adorable :) I was glad I was able to meet some of his family.

After the fantastic musical, he suggested we should go get dessert, but I wasn't feelin it, so we went for a walk instead. It was quite lovely :) we spent a few more hours talking and just being with each other and enjoying one another. I absolutely loved it. We ended up on a bridge where we sat and looked at the stars and listened to the frogs and the sound of the river beneath us. It was one of the most perfect dates. I felt comfortable and special: something I haven't felt in a while.

Oh what a wonderful Summer Night :)

p.s. we mayormaynothavekissedonthebridgeattheendofthedate :]

Warbreaker

...is the title of my favorite book. Yes I am rereading it at the moment. I love it a lot and it gives me something do to.

But it also relates to my life currently.

Lately, I feel like I am at war with myself. I feel like I am wasting my summer away when I could be spending time with people or being productive. But I am struggling with finding ways to accomplish either of the items previously stated. I don't really have friends in St. George anymore...and finding a job was absolutely ridiculous and a waste of time. Having all of that basically getting slammed in my face hasn't really been the best motivator for me thus far.

And another thing that is really getting me down is the fact that: A. my best friend that i literally talk to every day is leaving for 2 years in 10 days... and B. my other friend that I thought would be here for me through it doesn't even talk to me anymore. I wish I knew how he was right now, and what I did to make our friendship this frustrating to the both of us. I pray every night that somehow everything will be fixed and that he will return my phone calls...

I just have felt very lonely for almost a month now. I don't like it. I try and fight it. Most of the time it doesn't work. 

But this week will be a great week. Wanna know why?

1. Hannah is back in the U.S. FINALLY. i miss her face and errrything so we are going to do a TON of catching up and partying. heck yes. :]

2. I get my longboard this week. Freakin stoked. :] 

3. I get to hopefully see Kason and his family this Saturday before he leaves on his mission! Maybe I'll finally get the picture of us that I have always wanted and he has avoided in order to win a bet. Well the  bet is over now kid. I WILL get that picture. End of story.

4. I am tired of being sad, so I am going to make this week great, no matter what :]

The 'Warbreaker' that ultimately decides when the war with myself is over? 

Me. I decide when to be happy again. I decide what to do with my life. And I am finally deciding to make my summer what I want it to be. :]

biding my time...

Summer is going to be really long this year...

I miss my friends...they are all leaving on missions and are out living their lives, which is excellent :]
I just can't wait til college so I can start living mine again...

Meeting new people is fun though! I have met some awesome people in my college ward here and whatnot.
And i have been keeping myself...entertained, to say the least.
My life is consumed of:
-Reading
-Running
-Pokemon
-Guitar

It's pretty alright :]


Day Seis: Picture of Something That Makes You Happy

Well, i have already shared too many pictures of the friends that make me happy...SO

Things that make me happy:

1. Toms

I am in LOVE with these shoes. 

They are sooo comfy.

And stylish.

AND it's a form of charity

You should buy some of you don't.

Basically, they're the best thing since sliced bread.

2. Smoothies: Specifically Orange Peel.

These things are sooo tasty.

And they make any day of mine much sweeter.

I can NEVER turn down a smoothie run.

It's a tad ridiculous.

And finally, the last of my obsessions that I want to talk about today. You ready for this??

I don't think you are...

But here it goes!

3. HARRY POTTER

...I think the pictures speak for themselves. 

Tis EPIC.

It all ends this summer...

I am sad..

I plan on crying in this: It will be the first time I cry in a movie.

We shall see.

Oh, and I WILL marry Rupert Grint. :]

i love...

people. 

to be more exact, my friends that really care.

Come to find I have lost a couple, which makes me upset...

But, life moves on. 

(doesn't mean I will just yet, but we'll see how things end up)

Is it weird that I pray for on average 10 different friends a day, individually?

I sure hope not haha.

For all of my friends out there that love me and care for me, I pray for you every day. :) 

You guys have given me the strength that I need every day, and I am so grateful for all of you!

Day Cinco: Name a Song That Describes Your Current Mood:

Impossible. There has never been just ONE song that has described what I have been feeling. Ever. I feel like this is going to be a difficult task to embark on...here we go...

I'd have to say that the song that fits my mood RIGHT MEOW would have to be the acoustic version of Suckerpunch by Envy On The Coast.

Why you might ask? For a few reasons:

1. I was just practicing a little guitar, and this is one of the songs I hope to be able to play soon.

2. Envy On The Coast will forever be one of my favorite bands.

3. My best friend, Kason, was the person that showed me this song almost 2 1/2 years ago, and to be honest I have been thinking about him a lot lately. More than usual actually. 

This song has meant a lot to me since the first time I heard it. It kind of has a sense of vulnerability that I love. And at the time that I first listened to this song, I could relate to it in some ways. The lyrics 'Look at my face, does it smile and say I'm okay'?' really used to hit home for me because for a while, I was very shy, and hid myself from people around me. I put on a face for my parents and my siblings so they wouldn't worry about me, but I was really hurting. I had went through a move across the country when I was 16. I was so upset about the move that I didn't talk to anyone, and stayed in my room by myself every day after school for about 4 months straight. This song for some reason made me feel like I wasn't the only one, and that it was okay to be sad sometimes. 

Now when I hear this song, I remember how much I have changed, and I think about my friend Kason, and how much he has helped me for the past couple of years. He is leaving on his mission in less than 3 weeks. I will miss him more than he knows. It will be weird for me to not be able to text him when I need some cheering up, or when I need advice. I know he will probably never read this, but I want him to know that I will never forget him. Kason changed my life. He is one of the most wonderful people I have ever met, and I am so grateful for him and for our friendship. He will be the best missionary these next 18 months. His love for the gospel is so strong. He is so focused on leaving that nothing is going to stop him or distract him. It is amazing for me to see how much the gospel has positively effected his life. Kason is a wonderful example to me. I am so glad that we have been friends for as long as we have. And I know we will continue to be friends forever. Love ya Kason :]

habits

I have a habit of worrying...about everything.

Sometimes, it drives me crazy, and doesn't make any sense.

And sometimes, I actually have a good reason to be worried.

I hope that isn't the case this time....


Day Cuatro: The Rents


So...now is the time I get to brag. I have the BEST parents. Ever.
They are accepting, loving, and always there for me.
I can tell them anything.
We make tons of jokes together.
They are amazing examples.
And they listen.

My Mom:

This is my mom.

A little bit about her: She is 1 of 7 kids in her family. She was born and raised in St. George, Utah and went to Dixie High School. After High School she decided to go and nanny for a family in New York. She loved it so much that after my dad left on his mission, she went back and nannied again. After she got married, she worked for Rocky Mountain Power so she could help support my dad as he finished school. After a few years of working there, my mom became a stay at home mom so she could be there for me and my siblings. 

My mom loves people. Especially teenagers. My friends in high school were her friends too. It is safe to say that she was just as popular as I was in high school, if not more than me haha. She was a second mom to a lot of them. My mom has a way of connecting really well to people. She was there for my friends as an example, and as an extra support system when they needed it. She is non-judgemental, and truly tries to understand. She loves everyone so much.

When my sister was young, my family had a huge scare. My sister had a silent seizure. She froze up and couldn't speak, move, or blink. As the seizure progressed, she even had trouble breathing. My mom was there by her side through the entire ordeal. There was a chance that my sister might end up with brain damage. We were all so scared for her. After her seizure, my sister ended up being just fine. But the doctors told my parents that she had Epilepsy, which means that she will have more seizures, and have them frequently. Since then, my sister has never had another seizure. But this whole story prepared my mom for her true calling in life: to become a Special Education teacher.

My mom is currently working at a local Elementary School as a Para-professional for Special Education children. My mom is a saint. She loves all the kids she works with so much, and she will do anything for them. From helping them eat to scary bathroom incidents, my mom does it all out of love. This job and these kids mean so much to her that she is currently working to get her college degree so she can help more kids in the school system. My mom works a full-time job and goes to college every day, on top of being the Young Women's president. so my siblings don't see her as often as they would like. We all understand that this is what my mom wants, and we know that it will help out family out for the better in the end, so we make do with the time that we have with her.

So basically, my mom does a lot. For our family, and for many families in the area. She is a great influence on all of the kids that she touches every day of her life. I am so lucky to have a mom as great as her in my life. She is the best thing that I could ever ask for. 

I love you mom!

My Dad:

This my my dad.

He is 1 of 5 kids in his family. What makes him stand out is the fact that he is adopted. My grandma and grandpa were told after their first child that they would not be able to have any more kids. So, they adopted my dad from California a few days after he was born. This was a blessing, because after my dad, my grandparents went on to have 3 more kids. My dad was meant to be a son of my grandparents: he just took a little detour on the way there :)

Like my mom, he was born and raised in St. George and went to Dixie High School. He and my mom actually met in high school, but they didn't know each other all that well. They went on one date before his LDS mission to Oklahoma. After that, they wrote each other all the time, and the rest is history. I am so glad my parents met each other. They are perfect for each other. They Just celebrated their 21st anniversary this past Thursday. I am so lucky to have these two lovebirds as my parents.

My dad has always been such a great leader and support for my family. From day one, he has supported my family financially, and with so much love. He is a civil engineer. He is a crazy artist though. My mom always says he should have gotten into the cartoon business and drawn for Disney. He would've done an excellent job in that business, but I'm glad he does what he does, because his job has led my family to the places we were meant to be. 

My dad has always been the jokester of the house. He makes my family laugh on a daily basis. Like my mom, he was way close to my friends in high school too. My parents were so popular out East, it's insane. My friends love them so much and miss them terribly. My dad has recently discovered that he is a diabetic. This was a shocker to everyone because he grew up with healthy sugar levels. Then about 5 or 6 years ago, he got really sick. We took him to the hospital and the doctors discovered that he had really crazy sugar levels. Thankfully, after this discovery, my dad has kept up with himself and has been healthy ever since. A few run-ins with the hospital have happened, but as far as being a diabetic goes, my dad has it down. He takes on this trial head-on and still lives life to its fullest.

I look up to my dad. He has been such a great example to me on how to overcome trials with a smile. I love him so much. 

So as you can see, I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people as my parents. I sincerely hope that one day, I will be as happy with my husband as they are with each other. I love you mom and dad. So much. Thank you for everything you two have given me in my life. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being the best examples I could ever ask for. :)

cause my body's too BOOTILICIOUS for ya babe :P

I wish I could dance...

that would be the most amazing thing ever!

I just finished watching Step Up 3: SO good.

And right before that, I watched the latest episode of my favorite summer show, So You Think You Can Dance.

I may want to take a hip hop dance class this fall at USU now... :)